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"Não sei expressar-me; mas, sem dúvida, você e todo mundo têm noção de que há ou deverá haver uma existência para além de nós. Qual seria o sentido de eu ter sido criada, se eu tivesse contida apenas em mim mesma? " - O Morro dos Ventos Uivantes-

wadethoughts:

wadethoughts:

sometimes i just think of how awful it would be to be locked in a giant wax museum for a whole night, except every wax figure is Nicolas Cage, and then one of them is the real Nicolas Cage but you don’t know which one. 

thoughts like this keep me up at night. 

I have no memory of ever posting this

childservices:

y’all think I have time to google every post I see? sike bitch tumblr my news source I see a post saying I’m dead ima believe it

aobadatsgay:

I AM FUCKING DEAD. SO I WAS HAVING TROUBLE DOWNLOADING THE SIMS 2 THING THAT’S BEEN GOING AROUND SO I CONTACTED THEIR LIVE CHAT SUPPORT FOR HELP. WELL THE PERSON WANTED MY INFO AND FOR ME TO ANSWER THE SECURITY QUESTION I SET UP SO THEY COULD PUT THE GAME IN MY COLLECTION.
THE QUESTION WAS “What was your dream job as a kid?”
GUESS WHO HAD TO ANSWER THAT QUESTION TO A LIVE PERSON WITH “Doing your mom.”. SPOILET ALERT IT WAS FUCKING ME.

roymaes:

the greatest plan in history

Anonymous said: you two have the worst love story i have ever heard of. shame.

cavalieravocado:

parkingstrange:

You win the internet for ‘best gif use’

THIS CAT IS AN OLD MAN

friclge:

I don’t wanna go to work. I don’t wanna grow up. I’m not going, I’m going to stay home and watch Mulan

winchesterinengland:

anartisticanomaly:

phantomcat94:

meefling:

You Aren’t Boring I Just Suck At Conversations I’m Sorry: a novel by me

I’m Not Ignoring You I Just Don’t Know What To Say: a sequel by me

I Feel Like I have Nothing Interesting To Say So I Don’t Say Anything At All And I’m Really Sorry Don’t Stop Talking To Me: the trilogy.

It Has Been A Long Time Since I Talked To You And I Feel Uncomfortable Saying Anything Now Please Talk To Me First: The Spinoff Series by me

Ellen DeGeneres at Tulane’s 2009 Commencement Speech.

WiFi: connected
Me: then fucking act like it
sextspert:

superwholock-at-hogwarts:

chevvybar:

hiddlestalker:

lifehackable:

More Life Hacks Here

Day 1: you ripped open my vagina and I hate you
Day 5: just kidding you’re so cute and soft and small lol I could fit you in a handbag
Month 2: STOP CRYING PLEEEAASE. JUST ONE HOUR OF SLEEP AND I WILL LOVE YOU FOREVERRRR
Month 5: mama? Mama? Mama? Say it? Please? Say something? Please
Month 8: IF. YOU. DON’T. STOP. SAYING. MAMA. THE. POLICE. WILL. NEVER. FIND. THE. BODY.
Year 1: One down. 17 to go…
Year 1, Month 11: oh god.. it’s coming…
Year 2: NO PLEASE JUST PUT THAT DOWN. NNOOO! DON’T TOUCH THAT! Baby, i love you no matter whaT BUT PLEASE DON’T TOUCH THAT JJUST STAY STILL PLEASE SWEETHEART
Year 3: Oh thank god that’s over
Year 4: Awwww, you went to preschool. isn;t that adorable, my little intellectual shit
Year 5: ACTUAL SCHOOL! YOU LEARNED COLORS AND NUMBERS YOU’RE A GENIUS

Year 15: You called me a fuckwit. What the fuck is a fuckwit?

year 16; oh god no LIGHTLY step on the gas NO NON NO NO YOU DONT HAVE TO PRESS THAT HARD ON THE BREAK!!!

year 17: I caught you masturbating but you didn’t notice so I didn’t say anything. You’re welcome.

sextspert:

superwholock-at-hogwarts:

chevvybar:

hiddlestalker:

lifehackable:

More Life Hacks Here

Day 1: you ripped open my vagina and I hate you
Day 5: just kidding you’re so cute and soft and small lol I could fit you in a handbag
Month 2: STOP CRYING PLEEEAASE. JUST ONE HOUR OF SLEEP AND I WILL LOVE YOU FOREVERRRR
Month 5: mama? Mama? Mama? Say it? Please? Say something? Please
Month 8: IF. YOU. DON’T. STOP. SAYING. MAMA. THE. POLICE. WILL. NEVER. FIND. THE. BODY.
Year 1: One down. 17 to go…
Year 1, Month 11: oh god.. it’s coming…
Year 2: NO PLEASE JUST PUT THAT DOWN. NNOOO! DON’T TOUCH THAT! Baby, i love you no matter whaT BUT PLEASE DON’T TOUCH THAT JJUST STAY STILL PLEASE SWEETHEART
Year 3: Oh thank god that’s over
Year 4: Awwww, you went to preschool. isn;t that adorable, my little intellectual shit
Year 5: ACTUAL SCHOOL! YOU LEARNED COLORS AND NUMBERS YOU’RE A GENIUS

Year 15: You called me a fuckwit. What the fuck is a fuckwit?

year 16; oh god no LIGHTLY step on the gas NO NON NO NO YOU DONT HAVE TO PRESS THAT HARD ON THE BREAK!!!

year 17: I caught you masturbating but you didn’t notice so I didn’t say anything. You’re welcome.